Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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