If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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