I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
