he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
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It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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