just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
