dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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