alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
