Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
