Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
