my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
