we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
