I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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