your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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