Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
