Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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