I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
