would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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