her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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