Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
