I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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