after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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