my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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