we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
