I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
