I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
