i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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