she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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