what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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