I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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