Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
