it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
