last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
