I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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