He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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