I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
