Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We are all done wearing pants today
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
