Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
do herpes really smell.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
