At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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