He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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