I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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