Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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