all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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