even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i think my cat just said my name.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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