thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am available for nakedness
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
