oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i would punch a child for taco bell
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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