i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
