please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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