The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
