so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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