My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
