Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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