I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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