she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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