I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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