I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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