i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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