The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
