Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
