Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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