Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize